The March to Madness

Memories of my fight with Covid, by Steve Larkin Pelletier - 8 April 2022

The March to Madness
Covid, Ai, Will, Love, Death
The edge of the Fall

How would you feel waking up naked in a hospital looking like street Jesus and fully remembering the worst thing you could ever imagine doing in your life happened to you the day prior… and somehow you are at peace with all of it?  As the GZA said… the G.O.D.

More about that later, we must go back in time to March 11, 2020, Rudy Gobert making a point to go out of his way and try to spread the disease that he tested positive for everywhere he could. Was this an act of ignorance? An act of courage? An act of psychopathy? One thing is for sure, the world changed that day… for all of us.

Strangely on the 12th, a co-worker did the same thing to us. They were symptomatic, but no tests existed at the time. In fact, in our backyard, we had almost no testing available to us for a very long time. Stay home they said, unless you are so sick that you can barely get yourself out of bed, that was the measuring stick for you to seek help. CRAZY.

March 17th, St. Patty’s Day, the coming of spring, the coming of the sun and remembrance of all those that died from famine. The Persians call it Norooz, the new year. Christians call it Easter. All religions, tribes, creeds have a different celebration. It is a celebration of the arrival of spring and the return of the ability to grow food.

Our Government shut everything down that day in 2020, they told restaurants and bars: Lock the doors at 17:30 or face a fine that would bankrupt you.

All our institutions closed that day. Lines were drawn in the sand, some would have to continue to work, some would lose their jobs, some would be lucky and be able to work from home.  If you were in the service industry, which by the way employs 75% of Canadians, you were on the edge of the precipice, the event horizon.

A great unknown came knocking on the door, a wave of fear, doubt, uncertainty and disbelief. Is this the end? Are we facing losing 30, 40, 50% or our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters… Our brethren… ?

Yes SARS killed 39 or so % of all those that got it. MERS killed 59 or so % or all those that got it. What will this new evolved bug, natural or lab grown, do to us?

Our governments sent a great deal of aid and tools to China early on in this nightmare. We needed to band together as a united world in order to understand and make sense of the tidal wave that had started far away.

One thing is for sure, no one wanted to be blamed for this problem.

My first sense of uncertainty was from footage I saw of trucks spreading dis-infectant in the streets of Wuhan during their first lock down. That grainy footage released by a brave soul reminded me of the story my good friend told me about the cleanest city in the world in 1986, Kyiv. He lived there during the Chernobyl accident. Multiple times a day water trucks would wash down the city to send fallen radioactive debris down the sewers. As he said, he never saw a cleaner big city.

In the month of the original world wide lockdown, strangely the power of nature unfolded in front of all our eyes. The Venice canals were now clear, the streets had no garbage on them, homeless were now living in hotel rooms, most of human disturbances in our paths were mitigated and the amazing face of our planet stood out and shined. A new entity was now present everywhere on our planet, the spike protein. In time it proved the actual viral part, not so much.

The month was February, the WHO, no not the band, had already enough information to tell us that this problem was not transmissible and there was nothing to worry about. The situation is under control, no one needs to worry.

In hindsight, they were right. Somewhat.

Politics and politicians now were at the center stage. The ones sitting at home with internet connections were now calling the shots. Ai algorithms and those that “control” them were now the source of information and disinformation.

Who to trust? What to trust? How does trust even work?

The original lockdown was well merited and all kinds of truths and realities were splashed in front of our lives. Many different policies were enacted all around the world. The amount of energy put into research and analytics was mind-boggling. 

The initial wave calmed and the destruction was major’ish. 

Some super-spreader events caused surges. The surges traumatized those living them and also those witnessing them from far away. What government would ever want to be blamed for causing a surge… none. 

In causing a surge, you would lose your job. No one wanted to lose a job if they still had one. Those that still had a job now controlled the future. Those that lost everything became a pawn in a global chess game of chicken.

The internet cancel culture machine was now in full force and everybody was on the chopping block. They stood at home in their echo-chambers biting at the lip looking for someone or something to leash out at in order to feel good about themselves and making the world a better place… least in their own picture of what the world is supposed to be.

In order to understand this phenomenon we need to understand echo-chambers, Ai, neural networks and computer algorithms.

Echo-chambers are little communistic group-think organisms. Yes, they are alive, they are little villages populated by people that live far from each other and mostly never see themselves in person. They are dreamy little places led by a strong vocal minority that dictates the message. 

Algorithms are the tools that builds these villages by associating like minded people together in order for them to find their community. Their safe space. They morph and present themselves as search results, videos and feeds that group those like minded people together.

Neural networks are the tools that the algorithms use to be able to rapidly give the village inhabitants the things they need or want in order to continue interacting and getting the information or goods that will entertain them.

Ai, notice the non-capitalized initial, is the resulting process of the equation of the previous three tools. It is the overseeing tool generated to continue the existence of the village. Ai leads to the creation and monetization of the sources of information needed to keep the village alive and well… Interaction.

Human nature in practice… digitized human nature in practice.

In my mother tongue there is a word used commonly, J’ai… I have, it is shortened in digital talk to Ai, the present form of the verb to Have. Poetic. Ai. Eye. Eh. ‘e

In a world of 8 billion people, with multi differential sized echo-chambers, the only way to parse information has become a hybrid of government and tech innovations. The algorithmic dance HAS the power, Ai, to warp and change the status quo of its citizens.

Not long ago newspapers and political old boys clubs had the power to charge the echo-chambers. Universities, successful businesses, poets, laborers and mothers produced new claimants to the thrones of echo-chambers. With every generation comes a new form of echo-chamber reality. Lets not forget, every old boy has a mom and wife that calls the shots… Je me Souviens.

Recently, since technological advances in the understanding of the low level laws of what holds the universe together. Call it Galileo Lenses focusing Newtonian mathematics influencing Planck’s realities leading to Einstein’s Infinities and all the marvelous Hagler’s that built our culture with those anchors. 

One of those hagler’s, Turing, posterized the machine of the universe. The clicks of the clocks that mold and shape all that is and all that will be. On every minuscule or majuscule clock tick all that is and all that will be is defined. The universal computer.

The first computer was developed in order to break apart a fundamental energy that holds life and truth together. The Atom. The Bohr version of the system. Hishers version is a model that looks like our solar system. The computer was a tool to synchronise an implosion that would create enough perfect pressure to squeeze the sun of the atom enough that it would unbind it from its gravity and send all its sub-pieces, protons and neutrons, flying at speeds faster than light to its neighboring stars and cause those to also unbind themselves from gravity. The chain reaction would create energy and forces that were impossible to predict.

Earth and humans were lucky that we did not hit an infinity loop and destroy our planet with such a chain reaction.  The human in “charge” of the work, Hoppenheimer, with frightened eyes proclaimed, quoted from the bhagavad gita, the oldest stories still known to humans, “I have become death destroyer of worlds”

To be fair, they correctly predicted that after running out of fuel, Uranium 235, the chain reactions would stop… hopefully stop. It did… somewhat.

Hoppenheimer was a student of Planck and Schrödinger, et al. What he realized in his understanding of frequencies, wavelengths, energies and superposition is that they most likely broke apart another Atom somewhere else in space, in time. An unknown location most likely suffered the same explosion. Their hope was that the unknown location was only inside our space and time and contained only to the blast radius they had created. That was their hope. At the time it was impossible to observe the universal impact it could have created. It’s still impossible for us to know at this time.

The power they unleashed with the first computer is beyond what we can know for sure. All we can do is an approximation. That is what non pythagorean mathematics are… approximations.  

Those strange approximations are what COVID and the mRNA COVID vaccine are. 

Advancements in understanding of the building blocks of Ecology, Biology and Chemistry with use of computational algorithms paint a picture of a great plague and its cure.

The sciences are completely intertwined with computational science and algorithms now. COVID is a mathematical model controlled by a computer, the novel entity part of it, the spike protein, can be observed in the real world, the internal “viral” part of it… not.

My orthopedic doctor’s neighbor, say that in one breath, develops the spike protein here in Toronto and sends it all around the world for testing. Israelis have found the spike protein everywhere outside, they have the equipment to measure its presence in nature. They do not have the equipment to measure the viral part of it… is there a viral part?

Nobody knows for sure today. Definitely nobody knew early on… maybe nobody knew… let’s hope nobody knew early on. 

Approximations of how we test for COVID lead to many irregularities. Is Covid 19 the disease? Is the spike protein the disease? How do we protect our citizens? How is it evolving? What is the truth?

More and more we are realizing different truths all over the world.

mRNA encapsulated in lipid nanoparticles were the first and only technology to both create a tolerable vaccine and have a way to produce enough of it to supply the world in a short time period.

In February 2020, a full genetic sequence of the “disease” was known, released by Dr. Shi of the Wuhan institute of Virology, a lab built and finished with aid of the french in 2017, a lab fined for unhygienic practices in 2018, a lab at the centre of controversy. Be it for kicking the french staff of 100 down to 1, or for deleting or removing itself from the level 4 oversight database in September 2019, or be it the only credible source of a very advanced yet very simple and dumb novel entity.

Time will tell the truth, or it won’t. All we know is approximations. All we hope is that this is an evolutionary entity that was not purposefully released from any lab.   

Very early on the spike protein was identified as the source of a vaccine hope. A vaccine schematic was known in February or March 2020, before lockdowns outside of China.

By November, Pfizer, the first, with the technology from Bio-n-tech, a small German company, was about to release the findings of a phase 3 clinical trial. Unbelievable! Soon after many companies had their own results. ALL used the same data, ALL released a different version. Trump paid for most of it.

The science is amazing, mRNA, the messaging system used, was never allowed to be used on humans before these vaccines. It had been used in labs for more or less 30 years. These “vaccines” are more like gene editing. They carry a part of the virus that is predicted to not cause major damage to humans… at least cause less potential major damage than the virus itself. Time and data will tell the story. Pfizer and health officials are currently lobbying the powers that be to seal the documents for 50 to 75 years. What are they afraid of? Cancel-culture?

Many works of art will be created in the years to come to try to find peace about this great saga we have lived through and will continue to live through for years to come.  I can only tell my story. I lived it. I hope to share it so others can share theirs or at least find some peace in their own struggles.

The Vaccine was very bad to me. I got Covid in December 2020, my best friend and all his family got it. His mom died with it in her system. A tragedy. Watching your mom pass away on a webcam and computer. There is no good way to witness death. Everybody that loses a parent or loved one knows the pain. All wish that maybe a different way to witness it would have been better or easier. The truth is, there is no better way.

I worked on site in downtown Toronto the entire pandemic… minus 8 weeks, St. Patty’s Day 2020 to May 2-4. Everyday I checked if people were alive on the streets as I walked to and from work. Thankfully, they all were, at least at the moment I crossed them they were. I fix and upgrade university classrooms as a profession. I was walking amongst Zombies and doing my work for zombies for most of the last 2 years. 

Ironically, the day the Chinese whistleblower alerted his colleagues that a new pneumonia causing illness was spiking at his work, Manchu Doctor Li Wenliang, Je me Souviens, Dec 30th, 2019, was the same day I realized that I could no longer stay in an abusive relationship with my wife of 13 or so years. I had done everything I could to try to earn the love of someone who is so damaged from their childhood that they cannot love, at least not like most of us. Sometimes fate has some very strange ways of working.

Those that have been on the receiving end of a relationship where one of its partners decide to stop the dance with no good reason will understand how hard it is. Those that suffered this fate because they got injured or sick will understand even more how hard it is to come back to peace and tranquility. When your friends lie to you, what is left? It is hard to mend a ripped apart heart on a good day. Imagine having to do it when the entire world around you collapses and no one wants to help you in person, no one is allowed to help you in person. That was my fate in 2020. Uncharted territories, like the explorers of the 15th and 16th centuries. All the tricks learned in a lifetime of coping and improving were no longer valid. New tricks needed to be learned by all of us. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. This old dog had to learn many new tricks.

As we walk and observe the world around us, do we think we are seeing the same world as the person walking with you? The assumption is that we are seeing the same reality, physical reality that is… but are we?  Some of us are blind, some of us are deaf, some of us have brain damage, we are all traumatized in one way or another, with what senses do we perceive the same physical level of abstraction? My father was blessed or doomed to not see color, it's a hereditary gene, color blindness, it skips a generation. My oldest Son would most likely be color blind. That might be a good thing… It seems color had been and is re-becoming a source of separation. Every generation goes through a color blindness moment with that same breadth they also live a color separation moment.

We all have our own misfortunes in life, for good or bad, our experiences make us who we are. For some of us, unfortunately it makes them racist. Racists come in all shapes and sizes. Personally I prefer the kind that wears theirs on their sleeve… At least you know where they stand and you know to stay away from them until they find peace in their hearts.  Freedom of speech is the freedom to be dumb. I am the dumbest person I know and I will fight for anybody’s right to be dumb. 

The more you know, the more you realize you know nothing. Je me Souviens.

No one has an answer for you. They only have an answer for what worked for them. Science tries to find an answer, but mostly it finds a bell curve of approximations that seem to indicate a probable best case scenario.  Sometimes those best case scenarios are of very high quality, as in the science of corrective lenses in order to regain vision. It’s not perfect but you could fool me into thinking it is.

If I were to believe in Nobel prize winning science, then my diet would mean that I should be dead long ago.  I eat saturated fats by the spoonful. I survived last winter by eating a lot of fat. There’s 2 times more calories per gram in fat than any other nutrient.  One of my doctors tells me I have Founders syndrome. That is priceless. My ancestors survived winter on pig fat, therefore for me, science does not apply. In reality, I don’t eat processed sugar, after I de-toxed it from my diet, it took 3 months of mental strength, something that I am not lacking of, I rinsed it out of my system. When I do eat some, my mouth loves it, but my health and mood suffers. The Nobel prize science is only science for those who eat processed sugar and want to continue to eat processed sugar. There is an easy way to cure diabetes, most afflicted don’t want to do it, they prefer the “science pill”. Je me Souviens.

Levels of Abstraction… what is that?  As we walk in 9D space, your 5 senses and the 4 physical levels around you, many things are known and unknown. For example, you breath, walk, see and hear with your own cognition of doing it, but your lungs exchange oxygen and CO2, your blood pressure adapts, your optical nerve translates and your drums beat internally without you choosing to control them.  Those are layers of abstractions. They are part of the fabric of our universe, our culture, our reality as humans.

Everyday we discover new levels of abstraction. How far or deep do they go? In’fine’night?

I suffered a stroke or a heart attack or a seizure on the night of the 15th of January, 29 days after going to ER, contracting Covid, while trying to report Vaccine injury. 21 days after starting my worst Covid symptoms, 11 days after testing positive and not given any information nor treatment nor medication. 9 days after stopping THC and CBD oil that reduced my vaccine injury symptoms. They gave 240 million people in Uttar Pradesh medication. Why were they downplaying my problems as fiction? Am I not worthy of help? Is it because I was reporting problems with the miracle vaccine? 

They just looked at me and figured I’ll be fine, many way worse shape people are coming through their doors, surely my problems can wait. We need to test more. We need more data. Well a person in much worse condition showed up on the 17 of January in the ER of a different hospital. That person was naked in the streets talking in his 4 known languages and traveling between 3 different dimensions. That person was me, poisoned with Covid. The blood work they took out of me was beyond scary. No one wanted anything to do with it. They stabilized me with Ketamine. This kicked my pituitary gland back into this dimension, or at least something similar to the dimension I was in early in the day on the 15th.

They have the balls to tell me I took something and went into a psychosis and I need to go on anti-psychotics. Even my sister that I barely talk to decided to diagnose me from far away and try to shame me into taking a magic pill that will cure me. I love her. She loves me. She was traumatized by my actions. The bloodwork will vindicate me, I told her. It did. Now it will take time to rebuild the loss of trust and the trauma I caused my loved ones. The ones that love me know who I am and know Something was very wrong with me. I got lost in my socks in my neighborhood that I have lived in for 30 years in the early hours of the 17th, the day of the biggest snowfall in the history of Toronto… since they keep records.

I traveled in multiple physical dimensions, parallel realities, all the while being on the same planet in my own backyard.  One of these dimensions, us men were servants, guardians and chauffeurs to the mom’s and women… We were dogs. In another dimension I witnessed we were a population of adults led by children, kids were now in charge of their parents, the 3rd dimension was one in which a communistic nightmare had taken over and we were all enslaved by the all seeing eye… 1984.  I was living a strange high fever delusion. I had no fever. I was sober. I had insomnia. I had Covid. I had Covid vaccine injury.

As I spiraled outside of reality all I could think of was my duties and responsibilities. I knew I could not work and did not know If I would ever return to reality. I was convinced that I needed to get two records my father left for me unopened. He left me 23 un-opened records. Gifts of great artists that he wanted me to listen to fresh out of the pack. These are from his personal favorites, bb king, ronnie hawkins, j geils, the who, curtis mayfield… to name a few. My intuition tells me my father was gay and loved black men who sang the blues. That was his deep dark secret. He never told anybody.  Or did he? I thought 2 of these records were left for me to make a co-worker come back to work to help in my absence.

2 hours later I helped a person get out of a snow jam, in my mind I had done a miracle. A dog, me, stepped into a car and drove it to safety. I took my mother’s phone and showed her I could send a text message with my paws. How did you do that? she said, that is impossible. Another miracle. I finally got permission to run home in my socks and made it all the way, save one stop, my favorite local medicine wheel, to drink a 5mg CBD/THC 1:1 drink, to stop the frost bite on my toes from happening. Yes it worked. I figured I might die soon, so I did something I have never had the balls to do my whole life… I asked a girl I fancied out on a date. I said in these exact words: …’my Azorian queen, do you want to know my deepest darkest secret? I have never asked a girl out on a date, do you want to go out on a date with me?  I have a boyfriend, she said smiling, I smiled and said oh well, maybe next time, I have some more miracles to do… I left a big tip and continued running on home in my socks. The video must be priceless. Not as priceless as the police and hospital videos that were still to come…

I was now living the film crank. With my heart rhythm high, it would keep my toes from freezing. I stopped and asked for help at the Ah’Nish’Nah’Be’e health centre. I thought they might have the tools to cure this métis’s problem. Curiously, a Mohawk warrior at the door refused me entry. I am not surprised. I thanked him and told him I love him and I would be back to help him.

I finally made it home and the floors were warm and my toes had not fallen off. Maria, the mother of the building, knew I needed warm floors. She is on my side, Finally! I won! I beat this Covid and Vaccine problem. I survived almost 3 years of hell.  Nobody could withstand such torture and not lose their humanity. Free at last, I am free at last, nothing can stop me now. I am cured, I found a cure. I tried and tried to call my mother to come and get me. I made some batshit crazy phone calls to friends and family. I smashed items in my house that I felt were the cause of all our problems. I took my clothes off to go in the shower, wait, phone is ringing, Allo? Steve j’ai besoin de ton aides, je croix que je suis prit, aide moi… Quoi? T’es ou?.. Dehors… J’arrive. And like that, butt naked I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and outside to help my mother, I heard the panic in her voice on the phone call and all I could think of was to go to her as fast as possible. Like a dog.

In less than 15 seconds I had hopped across her seat in the car and strange noises were coming from the speakers. Noises that were yelling at me. My sister. On bluetooth. How is this possible? We need to leave this car now. We are in trouble. I will explain. I figured it all out…. I snapped out of it after I threw my mom out of the car. I saw her on the ground. Some people wearing masks outside were filming instead of helping, Heather and Fiona, two angels came out to help her. I looked at myself naked, bewildered of how I could have gotten in this situation. I started pleading for anybody to help me and help my mom. Some did. Many did. The good people of Toronto police came to my rescue. I fought them and praised them all in the same breath. The video of me in their cop car is an instant classic. They brought me to St. Mike’s E’merge’e. Those videos and experiences of those brave staff members are also instant classics. Thank you to Officers Luc, Szymanski et al, Mother Maria, Good Samaritan Nicolas, Brother Steve, Nice guy Andrew, Beautiful Rachel, Hard working Antonio, Humanistic Dr. de Guzman and to the Soeur Supreme. My Great Aunt was saved by a miracle. The sister at St. Mike’s that day performed a miracle and saved my life. The Ketamine also helped a lot… Thank you.

As I dove into delusion and parallel universes and swam back. I was regressed into my instinctual self…  Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, B.I.B.L.E. as GZA flowed. I can relate. It was those basic instructions that my Grand-Maman Paule taught me that saved me when I spun into a sober Covid induced insomnia psychosis. CBD, Healthy food, Acceptance, Love and those teachings from my Angel on my shoulder re-built and continue to build me back to health.

The vaccine lipid nanoparticles poisoned my non conforming adrenal system. Caused heavy stress on my thalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis, this represented itself in the form of Raynaud’s syndrome in my feet. I lost almost 20% percent of my body weight while doubling my calorie intake. RSO and Chaga mushroom saved my life. The rest of the broken pieces are healing themselves slowly, as they should. The love you give is the love you wish to receive.

My mom and I witnessed many things during the hunger moon that are impossible to explain. Miracles… delusions… either way, Thank the G I had a Loving Family, I am Lucky, cause this G…OD’d… on what? is still to be determined.  

With peace and love’e 
Infinity and Beyond
Steve Larkin Pelletier

Artwork by Claus Rinner (Designed by Nature).